Hands up if any of you have or ever had a frenemy (sometimes known as a fake friend depending where you come from) at work, school or even in your own neighbourhood. If any of you says you have or had a bad encounter putting up with one who is always competing against you everything from grades and bank accounts to significant other halves (husbands and wives or girlfriends or boyfriends) and materials, you just came to the right place to read this blog. Or if you have a frenemy who is either nice in your face and backstabs you from behind or treats you nice when in front of other friends and mistreats you behind closed doors, you are not alone.
Today, I would like to talk about the issue of frenemies and toxic ‘friendships’. What exactly is a frenemy? A frenemy is something like a modern word for the famous old saying, “Wolf under a sheep’s clothing’ (or perhaps the devil behind a human mask, take your pick). If you define a frenemy as a bad hat (a hypocrite or a monster, depends how you call that certain bad hat) disguised as friend and at same time acts as a rival or an enemy. Frenemies are not just the villainous characters you find in fiction such as Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City or even Regina George from Mean Girls. They do come in all shapes, colour and sizes and they are not just limited to the playground and school. There are some of you who may have one in the workplace, the neighbourhood or even within your own social circle. As a blogger, I am not going to lie but a few years ago I had a frenemy who came in the form of a flatmate from hell who had a Dr.-Jekyll-and-Mr.-Hyde personality which I endured the hell full of emotional abuse she wreaked under my own roof for more than a year. I will not go in detail about this but to see her move out from my place and having no contact with her ever since was true liberation which allowed me to sleep in peace without having to live in fear day and night.
Anyway, here is a list of signs of a frenemy below:
- jealous towards your and/or your friend’s success and happiness
- covetous and wants things or qualities you have that the frenemy doesn’t
- acts hypocritical by being Mr. or Miss Nice in front of others while showing his or her true colours to you behind closed doors
- only acts nice to you when she wants something from you
- constantly competitive over everything from materials to grades (and even looks and boyfriends/girlfriends, shocking!)
- complimenting and criticising you at the same time
- being dishonest and fake to you
- socially excluding you from your friends (and in some cases, family members) by telling lies to make you look like the bad guy
- always putting you down or belittling you for no reason
- blaming you or your friends for her/his or failures
- throwing a tantrum when he or she doesn’t gets what she wants from you
- refuses to take ‘no’ for an answer from you
- doesn’t accept you for who you are and tries to force you to become someone you are not
- being disrespectful towards you and/or your friends
- making snide comments about you or others in your face
- constantly plays the victim card by making false accusations against you or your friends just to gain other people’s sympathy
- opportunistic and waiting to see you have a bad time so that he or she can gloat or laugh at your misfortune
- willing and waiting to betray you and your friends just to fulfill his or her selfish needs
- belittling your or your friends’ achievements and qualities
- bullies you or your friends
- pretends that nothing happens between him/her and you/your friends after a fight or bullying incident the frenemy starts
If you spot more than one sign in this list, looks like you have a frenemy who is causing you or your friends more stress, heartache and misery.
There are some people who still stay in contact with their frenemies much to the horror and/or concerns of true friends and loved ones. That leave us wondering why would they still want to stay in toxic ‘friendships’ with frenemies who are only good at giving hell and taking advantage of them repeatedly. However, a few people keep minimal contact with their frenemies perhaps out of fear of repercussions from the frenemy. I am not here to judge them whatsoever but I don’t blame them for choosing to keep their frenemies in their contact list (although I feel sorry for these people sometimes who still allow that toxic ‘friendship’ to go on).
Then again, many people choose to move on, put an end to the toxic ‘friendship’ and stop contact with the frenemy rather than put up with more crap to deal with. To those who have the guts to end the ‘friendship’, I can say good for you but too bad for the frenemies who are too blind to realise they are actually on the wrong (and will repeat the same cycle again unto others). To those who decide to end it all with a frenemy and believe you had enough of his or her nonsense because you know he or she is not going to change for the better for his or her own sake, just do it and don’t ever look back.
What says you about the issue on frenemies? Have any of you had a past or present frenemy? If so, who and what sort of nonsense did you put up with the frenemy? Opinions are welcomed (remember, pseudonyms and no profanity please!)